Christmas Virgin

This is my favourite photograph from this week's festivities.  It is Jake the dog's second Christmas with us and my daughter's boyfriend, Celal's first ever and I feel that Jake is trying to give a bit of advice to the Christmas virgin.  I know I shouldn't anthropomorphise, but I can't help it:

"Do you see those gold tubes on the table? Before you're allowed to pick up your fork you have to pull those until they explode. Try not to knock over the wine goblets as you do it (they're the best ones). Inside are the dumbest paper hats that you are expected to put on your head before you're allowed to eat. Yes they do look ridiculous but it's a ritual these foreigners insist on. The payback is that you get the best meal of the year. You will probably even get to eat the chocolate log, which they don't allow me near. By the way, there will be bacon. If you don't fancy it, take some anyway and I'll be waiting by your knee to dispose of it for you. Did I mention that they are about to eat an indecent amount of food, so how about you take me for walk down to the harbour to make some room for it"